I am uncertain whether this will be a long or short explanation, but I find this situation to be a significant waste of time, energy, and effort. It raises the question of where common sense has gone in all of this. Even before reviewing my notes and emails, I am left wondering about the lack of rationality. I have spent years with this person, constantly being accused of things I never did or even considered doing. It seems they could not accept that I genuinely wanted to be with them for reasons I cannot fully understand.

Yes, there was an incident in 2019, but I have spent years trying to make amends for it. The real question is why I dedicated so much time to this relationship. Why did we engage in countless conversations and exchanges? The common sense here is that I wanted to be with her, yet she seemed unable or unwilling to grasp that concept. Perhaps she wanted to punish me for the past incident.

I am baffled by the lack of common sense in this situation, especially when I think about the decision to post my mugshot on the front door. Why not simply return my belongings and allow us to part ways amicably? The escalation was unnecessary; all that was needed was to remove the mugshot and return my items. Instead, this only occurred on the night of my arrest. I should have received my belongings long before that, and the stress I endured was unwarranted.

I wanted to be with her, but she could not accept it. This lack of common sense, maturity, understanding, and forgiveness has led to a major stroke for me—a lifelong battle that terrifies me. I am uncertain if I will ever regain my former self. Recently, I wore a short-sleeve shirt and noticed for the first time that my left arm is significantly smaller than my right. This realization, along with the loss of muscle mass on my left side, reminded me of my brother Dan and filled me with fear.

I now see how different I am, how I perceive myself, and how the world perceives me. I feel petrified, terrified, and ashamed. All these emotions stem from the lack of understanding that I genuinely wanted to be with her and spend my life with her. The result of this turmoil was a massive stroke, leaving me isolated, afraid, and trapped in my own body, waging a war within myself.

I am struggling, and I don’t know if I have the patience to heal and recover. While I have no choice but to endure this, my mind feels like it is working against me.