Why would I have endured all of this, with Heather Killebrew, only to end up in this situation? I wouldn’t have. I genuinely wanted to be with Heather, as my notes and readings reflect. I have never wished anything bad upon her. That’s not who I am, nor who I ever aspired to be. Would I have called her and said, "I hope, wish, and pray every night for you to... the way she did"? No, I would never do that. I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of wishing harm upon her or anyone else, because that’s not how I think or feel.

There is a fundamental misunderstanding in interpersonal relationships. Would I ever desire anything negative to happen to her? Absolutely not. She simply couldn’t accept that I made a mistake, that I was remorseful, and that I sincerely wanted to be with her. Instead, she seemed determined to punish me for that error.

I paid a significant price for wanting to be with her, suffering a major stroke as a consequence. All because I wanted to be with her, and she couldn’t accept it. Eventually, I had to leave because it was jeopardizing my health and well-being. Even after leaving, the repercussions on my health and life have been profound and enduring.

None of this truly matters; it’s merely a collection of thoughts in my journal. I paid a heavy toll, and I’m fearful of the consequences. I would never wish anything bad to happen to her, and I never will. I hope she’s happy, thriving, and enjoying her life, even though I know I’m not. I face a long journey of recovery ahead, yet I still wish for her to find happiness and peace above all else.

Posting my mugshot and refusing to return my belongings was unnecessary. She must have known I would never ask for those other things back. I would have never seriously requested them; perhaps in a moment of frustration, but never genuinely. All of this just doesn’t make sense and defies logic. I suffered a major stroke, had my heart broken, and now face a lifelong battle to regain basic functions and skills. None of it makes any sense, and it never will.